Jokes

What are your funniest jokes?

Three women left separately after a very late night out drinking Guinness until the early hours. They met the next day for an early pint, and compared notes about who had been the most drunk.

The first gal claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home, walked into the house, and as soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks".

To which the second gal replied, "You think that was drunk? I got in my car, drove out of the parking lot, and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"

And the third proclaimed, "I was by far the most drunk. I got home, I go in a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over and burned the whole house down!"

They all looked at each other for a moment. Then the first gal says: "Ladies, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my dog."

read what you like, but myself, Giant, and yuckman were spittin' off some of our favorites




[20:51:19] eddy102293 is Disconnected on Sat Nov 08, 2008 8:51 pm
[20:52:01] eddy102293 has joined the chat the Sat Nov 08, 2008 8:52 pm
[20:52:40] madden2k5 is Disconnected on Sat Nov 08, 2008 8:52 pm
[20:52:47] madden2k5 has joined the chat the Sat Nov 08, 2008 8:52 pm
[20:54:15] eddy102293 : do you guys like women jokes?
[20:54:28] eddy102293 : Why hasn't a woman been sent to the moon yet?
[20:55:19] eddy102293 : cause the moon doesn't need cleaning yet
[20:55:46] EggzOverEazy420 : haha
[20:56:19] yuckman : Two
rather drunk gentlemen stood at the bar near closing time. "I've got an
idea," said one, "let's have one more drink and then go and find us
some girls." "No," replied the other one, "I've got more than I can
handle at home.""Great," replied the idea man, "then let's have one
more drink and go up to your place."
[20:56:54] EggzOverEazy420 : hahahaah
[20:57:12] EggzOverEazy420 : i went to a comedy club and saw this guy, he ended with this awesome dirty joke.
[20:57:47] EggzOverEazy420 : this old guy, 80 years old, wife died years ago, hes ready to have his last harrah, if you will, his last big bang
[20:57:50] madden2k5 is Disconnected on Sat Nov 08, 2008 8:57 pm
[20:58:03] EggzOverEazy420 : he gets a suitcase full of money and goes to vegas, ready to spend it all on gambling and sex
[20:58:40] EggzOverEazy420 : after
some time at the casino he finds himself the prettiest whore in reno,
he tells her he wants her for the night and she said 'if you can pay
for it i can do it'
[20:59:50] EggzOverEazy420 : he
tells her 'i want a hand job, ive never had one before and its gotta be
good', she says 'no problem, i give the best handjob in town, you see
that casino over there? i built that casino with handjob money, $500
its worth it' he thinks its pricey but he pays
[21:00:33] OGiant23 has joined the chat the Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:00 pm
[21:00:51] EggzOverEazy420 : she
gives him a great hand job, he nearly faints, and pays her happily, and
then says 'i want a blow job, ive never had one and it sounds amazing'
she says 'no problem i give the best blow job in the world, u see that
casino, i built that casino with blow job money, $5000 its worth it
[21:00:56] EggzOverEazy420 : '
[21:01:02] EggzOverEazy420 : the old man says thats a lot but ok
[21:01:17] yuckman is Disconnected on Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:01 pm
[21:01:21] EggzOverEazy420 : she gives him the blow job and his toes curl up, his eyes roll in the back of his head, hes ready to have her
[21:01:33] eddy102293 : that;s so cool
[21:01:40] EggzOverEazy420 : he says listen i need to **** you, how much for the pussy
[21:01:49] bigbuddah has been disconnected the Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:01 pm (session timeout)
[21:01:54] yuckman has joined the chat the Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:01 pm
[21:01:55] EggzOverEazy420 : she says "pussy? if i had a pussy id own this town"
[21:01:56] EggzOverEazy420 : !!!!
[21:02:03] eddy102293 : lol
[21:02:05] eddy102293 : haha
[21:02:10] EggzOverEazy420 : haha bada bing
[21:02:12] yuckman : lol
[21:02:43] yuckman : A
man went to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his
hoohoo. According to the Nurse attending, the patient's girl friend
found the ring in his pants pocket and she got so mad at him,she used
petroleum jelly to slip the ring on his hoohoo while he was asleep. I
don't know what's worse: 1) Having your girl friend find out you're
married 2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your
hoohoo3) Or finding out your hoohoo fits through your wedding ring
[21:03:23] EggzOverEazy420 : HAHAHAHAHA
[21:03:25] EggzOverEazy420 : oooooohhhhhhhh man
[21:03:30] EggzOverEazy420 : thats pretty funny
[21:03:45] yuckman : i thought so
[21:03:45] eddy102293 : lol
[21:03:57] eddy102293 : hha
[21:04:01] eddy102293 : i can't stop lauging
[21:04:17] eddy102293 : i would use donuts instead of a ring
[21:04:29] OGiant23 : why are there windows in the kitchen?
[21:04:41] EggzOverEazy420 : why
[21:04:43] yuckman : i'm hung 3" from the ground
[21:04:52] yuckman : when i'm lying on my stomach
[21:04:54] OGiant23 : So a woman can have an outlook on life!!!
[21:05:06] EggzOverEazy420 : hahaha
[21:05:21] yuckman : why do brides wear white
[21:05:33] yuckman : the dishwasher should match the fridge and the stove
[21:06:19] EggzOverEazy420 : hahah
[21:06:51] OGiant23 : i think mine is the best... lol
[21:07:10] yuckman : what's michael jackson's idea of the perrfect 10
[21:07:14] yuckman : 2 5 year olds
[21:07:18] OGiant23 : eddy
[21:07:28] OGiant23 : nvm i thught i knew that lol
[21:07:50] EggzOverEazy420 : mine is the best!
[21:07:58] EggzOverEazy420 : did you see how long the setup was?!?
[21:08:02] yuckman : what the best thing about twenty-nine year olds
[21:08:08] OGiant23 : eggz yours is so long it is impossible to follow
[21:08:08] yuckman : there's twenty of them
[21:08:10] yuckman : lol
[21:08:10] EggzOverEazy420 : theres 20 of them
[21:08:21] EggzOverEazy420 : thats what makes it so good
[21:08:23] OGiant23 : if u come in late
[21:08:29] EggzOverEazy420 : its enthralling ADD boy
[21:08:37] EggzOverEazy420 : haha
[21:09:01] OGiant23 : like i did havin to read that when others r typin and it pulls u to bottom it is a pain to read
[21:09:12] eddy102293 is Disconnected on Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:09 pm
[21:09:35] EggzOverEazy420 : yeah i hear that

[21:09:36] yuckman : I
was depressed last night so I called Lifeline.Got a call center in
Pakistan.I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if
I could drive a truck.
[21:09:40] OGiant23 : what is it called when two planes intersect?
[21:09:43] EggzOverEazy420 : whats strong enough for a man, but made for a woman????
[21:09:51] eddy102293 has joined the chat the Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:09 pm
[21:09:56] EggzOverEazy420 : a backhand
[21:10:06] yuckman : LMAO
[21:10:11] EggzOverEazy420 : hahah
[21:10:11] OGiant23 : A crash
[21:10:46] yuckman : A
male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a
partial sponge bath.Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my
testicles black?' Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know,
Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.' He struggles to
ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?' Concerned
that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about
his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the
covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his
testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, There's
nothing wrong with them, Sir!' The man pulls off his oxygen mask,
smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was
wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...... A r e - m y - t e s t -
r e s u l t s - b a c k?
[21:11:45] EggzOverEazy420 : HAHAHAHAH
[21:11:47] EggzOverEazy420 : haaaaaaaa
[21:12:20] yuckman : i almost pissed myself the first time i read that one
[21:12:36] EggzOverEazy420 : hahaha
[21:12:45] EggzOverEazy420 : how do you know when a woman is going to say something smart
[21:12:58] OGiant23 : she is sayin a recipe
[21:12:59] OGiant23 : ?
[21:13:02] yuckman : when a man tells her what to say
[21:13:03] EggzOverEazy420 : she starts the sentance with "a man once told me..."
[21:13:12] EggzOverEazy420 : haha
[21:13:16] yuckman : same difference
[21:13:17] yuckman : lol
[21:13:28] yuckman : how do you confuse a blond?
[21:13:40] yuckman : ask her to alphabatize a bag of M&M's
[21:13:46] yuckman : why does it work?
[21:14:03] yuckman : does 3 come before E or does it fall between M and W
[21:14:17] EggzOverEazy420 : hahaha
[21:14:28] EggzOverEazy420 : how did Hellen Keller's parents punish her?
[21:14:37] EggzOverEazy420 : they moved the furniture.
[21:14:46] EggzOverEazy420 : HAHA i love that one. classic.
[21:14:52] eddy102293 is Disconnected on Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:14 pm
[21:15:11] yuckman : what do you call a field of cows masturbating?
[21:15:17] yuckman : beef stroganoff
[21:15:51] EggzOverEazy420 : haha
[21:16:04] EggzOverEazy420 : how do you get a money dizzy?
[21:16:12] yuckman : Did you hear about the blonde who got locked into the bathroom? She was in there so long she peed her pants.
[21:16:17] EggzOverEazy420 : put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner
[21:16:25] EggzOverEazy420 : AAHHH haha
[21:16:28] yuckman : lol
[21:16:35] EggzOverEazy420 : hey
[21:16:36] eddy102293 has joined the chat the Sat Nov 08, 2008 9:16 pm
[21:16:37] OGiant23 : lol
[21:16:38] EggzOverEazy420 : wanna hear a funny joke?
[21:16:42] yuckman : What did santa say when he saw the three blondes? Ho Ho Ho!
[21:16:44] EggzOverEazy420 : Woman's Rights.
[21:16:48] OGiant23 : LOL
[21:16:56] EggzOverEazy420 : hahaha
[21:17:02] OGiant23 : woman's right one is always funny
[21:17:09] EggzOverEazy420 : ha yeah
[21:17:15] yuckman : This
little kid is standing on the platform at the railway station. His
momma thinks he's standing a bit close to the edge so she says, "Hey
Junior, get back away from the edge before a train comes by and sucks
you off." At this the kid smiles and yells out, "C'mon train!"
[21:17:21] OGiant23 : you wanna hear another joke
[21:17:32] OGiant23 : A woman said she was right!!!!

LOL

well done, i peronally liked eggz joke best because it was set up so well.

Modrewgnu wrote:

well done, i peronally liked eggz joke best because it was set up so well.

SEE i told ya Giant, it's all about the set up.

I saw that guy twice at the comedy club here, actually. but it was easy to remember the first time, it sticks with ya.

these jokes are insane! lol!